A Baker at the Pearly Gates

A Christian named Jack who owns a bakery dies. He appears before God and St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. You know the ones. Big and imposing, gleaming metal against a backdrop of blue sky and clouds. Jack arrives, chest held high. He’s pumped.

Jack: Hello, Lord. Hello, St. Peter.

St. Peter: Welcome, Jack. We’re here to determine if you get to walk through these gates.

Jack: I know. I’m ready!

God: What kind of life have you lived, Jack?

Jack: I am a Christian. I went to church every Sunday with my wife and kids.

St. Peter (checking off a box on his clipboard): Wonderful. What else?

Jack: Well, I’m sure you heard that I was at the forefront of maintaining America’s true values. When I was approached to bake a wedding cake for two men who were getting married, I turned away the business. I couldn’t condone this abomination.

God (with furrowed brow): Come again?

Jack: According to the Bible, homosexuality is a sin. I felt that using my gift of baking to help celebrate that would make me a sinner, too.

St. Peter (exchanging glances with God): Oh boy. Here we go again. Another one who didn’t get it.