If ‘Barbie’ Weighed in on the Mid-Terms

My name is Barbara Millicent Roberts, but most of you know me as Barbie.

You can think of me as a toy, but really, that limited thinking … well, engage in it at your peril. What I am is a sociological marvel.

See, I’m over 60, which means (mostly) females have been projecting their fantasies on to me for decades. I’m a vessel. I take on what they put on me. Some want babies. Some don’t. Some want careers. Some don’t. Some want to be mermaids or rockstars or environmentalists. I become that for them.

And guess what else I am? Single. Yeah, Ken is still around, but he’s never been the star of my show. He comes and goes depending on whose fantasy I’m living.

I couldn’t resist this opportunity to be a substitute columnist for a day (thanks, Nancy Colasurdo!) because these mid-term elections in the United States, whoa. I do my best to stay apolitical, but this seems to be more about trends and patterns and I know a ton about those.

I mean, who’s that Jesse Watters dude over at Fox News talking about single women needing to get married so they’ll turn Republican? And that other guy with all the Twitter followers, Joel Something, who Tweeted that all of us single women are miserable, lonely, alcoholic, and addicted to anti-depressants as we try to get over our abortions? There was…